i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
