she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
