sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
