i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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