I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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