I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
