Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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