One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
