Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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