time to smoke my breakfast
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
