My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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