I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
