I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
