I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
