Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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