bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
