fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think I won the penis lottery.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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