I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
