bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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