Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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