thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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