i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Sext me about skeletons
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
