i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Operation Purity has been aborted
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
