I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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