Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize