So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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