Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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