I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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