I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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