if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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