he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
