I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
