it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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