I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
