I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize