Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
