I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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