I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
