I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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