How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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