She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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