Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize