There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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