just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
