That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
This toilet bowl is my home.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
