i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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