I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
