brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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