She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
