i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
