Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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