Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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