I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
