You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
