as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
