I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
