We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
last night I used snow as a chaser
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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