Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
