he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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