Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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