i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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