1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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