Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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