So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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