my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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