shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
