Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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