WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
