Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
