Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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