I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
