Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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