I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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