i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
