maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
