i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
