Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize